Self-worth is something we are constantly expected to have yet no one gives us directions on how to achieve it. Self-worth isn’t something that comes naturally or one size fits all. Self-worth is molded by your experiences, effort, and attitude and it takes growth over time to create your version of worth. In this case, self-worth in a relationship is not letting you lose yourself and who you are no matter how much you love someone. The right man will be worthy of you. I am here to tell you I am twenty-two years old and I just got out of a toxic relationship about a month ago. Love turns you blind and what I have gone through the last month is not ideal by any means, but I have had the opportunity to grow and work on something I was never good at: taking care of myself and finding my worth.
Here’s my story, I had known/dated my ex for about a year, he was best friends with my best guy friend, so half the trust was already there because people surround themselves with people like them. It was a long-distance relationship, about three hours but life was great, we were great. We saw each other on the weekends, spent time with each other’s families, talked about getting married, and which one of us would move. We had it figured out, I was excited. He was kind, thoughtful, and I loved this boy (I can’t justify calling him a man) and we couldn’t wait to spend the rest of our lives together or, so I thought. I found out that he cheated on me and had been for the majority of our relationship. So, what did I do out of shock and disappointment? I called and broke up with him immediately, not giving him a chance to talk or explain himself because that’s what we are told to do when someone cheats, right? Except after I did it I felt broken and I drove myself crazy for the next week of no communication with him. I started blaming myself that I was the reason this happened, if I would have just given him more attention, if I would have texted and facetimed him more, what did I do that gave him a reason to go to someone else outside the relationship? This tore me apart and still tears me apart. I still have weak days where I am challenged with the what ifs and constant reminders throughout the days of him, but I decided that I can’t let something that was completely out of my control, control my life. I cried, I cried a lot and that’s okay. Cry your eyes out, listen to break up songs, talk about it, write about it, and grieve. Then after that is done, choose you. Choose to find something that makes you happy in life. Choose to love yourself.
I am here to tell you to find what you are worth and only after that, find a man worthy of you. I can’t say I have it all figured out because I am far from it but there is nobody in this world that belongs to stay in your life if they hurt you. I still want to believe that he will change and that we are meant for each other and come on, who wouldn’t want that? But when we think about giving second chances we are putting our self-worth, values, and ourselves on the back burner. We are putting ourselves in a position that is not allowing us to grow. Walk away, rebuild yourself, and don’t settle. It is okay to be selfish with your happiness. You can’t fill up everybody’s happy bucket if you aren’t depositing any in your own bucket. Your happiness is yours, and don’t let anyone take that from you. You will get through this, and every battle that comes your way.
I am so excited that I got the opportunity to share a piece with A Stronger Version of Her and all of you. A little about me.. I am twenty-two years old and live in the beautiful sunflower state. I am currently in my second year to become a dental hygienist and before that I played collegiate volleyball for four years. I am very much a home body, but I do enjoy spending time with my friends and family, traveling (which I want to do more of), and coaching volleyball.