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and then it clicks

March 5, 2017

 

When Amanda reached out to me and asked me to be a guest blogger, I knew exactly what I wanted to write about… yet for some reason, all the thoughts and ideas of what I want to say have remained unwritten. Maybe I just don’t know what to say… or how to say it? But I’m going to try. 

 

I believe that everyone has pivotal moments in their life. A moment in time, where when one looks back, can be pinpointed as a time that changed their life. Good, or bad, these moments help mold us into the people we become. 

 

Here is mine: 

 

The summer between junior and senior year of high school, someone very close to me called me fat. It is something that, until very recently, I haven’t talked about, but I am getting to a point in my life where I feel like I am finally letting go of those words that have haunted me for the past five years. 

 

Five years. 

 

I have spent the past five years, justifying everything I eat because I don’t want to be “fat”. 

 

I have spent the past five years, hating how I look in the mirror, because I hear those words every time I see myself. 

 

I have spent the past five years, pushing people away because I’m not pretty enough. Skinny enough… good enough. 

 

I have spent the past five years learning to love my body. And even though I’m not there yet, I’m a hell of a lot closer than I was. 

 

I used to workout because I needed to. I now workout because I want to… because the thrill I get from adding weight each week in Body Pump, or pushing people out of their comfort zones when I teach spin reminds me that I can. 

 

I used to meal prep, eating very minimally and I didn’t go out with friends because I didn’t want to gain weight. Now, I meal prep & eat healthy because I feel better when I do… and I enjoy splurging every once in awhile. 

 

I used to hate how I look in the mirror…. And now, some days are better than others, but on those bad days, I take a picture & compare it to where I was. That or I just walk past the mirror and don’t even look at it. 

 

I used to push people away, because I felt unworthy of being loved… now I work towards being open and honest and letting people in. Because it’s lonely when you shut everyone out. 

 

And even though I have spent the last five years trying to get over three little words that were said to me, I wouldn’t change it for anything… because those three little words have shaped me into the strong, motivated, caring person I try to be every day. 

Because of those three little words, I know that I want to leave a positive effect on people, and change their lives for better… be it a compliment, a smile, a workout. 

 

Because of those three little words, I know what it’s like to be hurt so deeply that you can’t enjoy life, and I can now appreciate the good things so much more. 

 

So I end with this… those moments, that change you and shape you. They are there for a reason, to grow and learn, so don’t shy away from them. 

 

But don’t ever let those pivotal moments define you, because you are so much for than that. 

 

You are all amazing, beautiful, strong individuals who have overcome the shit life has thrown at them- pivotal moments and all.

Lau is a Spin instructor and a senior at Cal Poly SLO studying Business Administration —Entrepreneurship with a minor in Spanish. She grew up in the Bay Area. In her free time, she enjoys working out, cooking healthy but delicious food, and bubble baths. She is also a writer for Women's Running and has her own fitness instagram. 

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